As a social worker we often visit with children living in poverty. Recently I overheard a co-worker say; “I feel so sorry for those poor children. They only had two presents under the Christmas tree and they sleep three to a room.” In my head I was saying to her; “honey you don’t know it yet but those “poor kids” are going to turn out better than your own because they won’t be destroyed by having their every whim and need met. They won’t be expecting the world to give them something for nothing. They will appreciate what they have because they have nothing yet they are perfectly content.”
If I have learned anything in my 30-year career as a social worker and human service manager it is to not confuse poverty with abuse. Poverty is not abuse. Repeat often. Poverty is not abuse.
Being poor is not necessarily bad for a child but being spoiled is. Every parent should take time to study the science behind a very alarming fact; the only thing more dangerous than an abused child is a spoiled one.
Being raised in poverty, but with love, can almost be considered a childhood vaccination. A vaccination to prevent laziness, greed, entitlement issues, poor motivation and lack of sensitivity to the needs of others.
Sure, we all know kids who were born into poverty and who remain in poverty as adults but we often overlook many incredible stories of success where children are born into poverty but display incredible grit and fortitude in their adult life. We see these same children obtaining advanced degrees and becoming teachers, nurses, doctors, lawyers, scientists and tradesmen who are self-supporting and contributing members of society. We know many who joined the military winning numerous medals of honor displaying great feats of bravery and heroism far outside the norm of expectations.
Being raised in poverty seems to instill in many children this drive to do better, to be better, to live better. To prove to the world…it’s where I am going and not where I am coming from.
In previous generations, an upper-class background was considered an insulator from drug addiction which was previously found at higher rates in neighborhoods inflicted with poverty. With the heroin epidemic devastating our American neighborhoods, this is no longer the case. Both children in poverty and children raised in well to do homes are at risk of addiction. This could be considered the # 1 hurdle that parents must help their children “leap over” to reach their full potential as they enter into early adulthood.
So if poverty is indeed a “vaccination” against entitlement, greed, laziness and poor motivation then what is an upper-class parent to do?
Well first of all, stop buying your kid everything he wants. Teach your child to walk into Walmart with nothing and exit with nothing. To browse but not buy. To look but not touch. Take all the toys in his room and donate half of them. For birthdays, get one gift. One. Limit the expense to no more than $40.00. For Christmas buy no more than two presents per child and spend no more than $150.00 per child. Impossible you say? Not if you are living in poverty it isn’t. Start this process from their very 1st birthday and they will not know otherwise.
For back to school clothes – do not allow yourself to get sucked into buying $200.00 sneakers or $150.00 jeans. Think back to your own childhood of simplicity – before we were hijacked by outrageous displays of consumerism gone mad.
Keep it simple and learn the power of saying “no.”
No, no, no.
Rinse and repeat.
No, no, no.
Hearing the word “no” loud enough and often enough could very well vaccinate your child against entitlement and when he does receive something of value, he is much more likely to take care of it.
Will my child hate me for saying no? At the time, it might seem that way but later in life you will reap the rewards of celebrating a young adult who can persevere during difficulties, face rejection without defeat and understand the power of delayed gratification.
Is taking a family vacation together spoiling your child? Absolutely not. Trips you take together create bonds and memories that last a lifetime. It might be an annual camping trip or annual beach vacation that you save for together. Teach your child to travel often and to travel light so he always has a hiker’s mentality – food, water, exercise, adventure and a great view! Trips taken together deepen our roots, build traditions and help us to see the world outside of our own little community.
Just remember this one thing…the next time you travel into a “sketchy neighborhood” and you happen to see a five-year-old boy, covered in dirt and coal, wearing old, worn out shoes with an unkempt appearance…pause and take a good look at him! He is running as fast as he can chasing a train going to Nowhere, Ohio. Look at how hard he tries to catch the train.! How fast he runs! Just understand that you could be looking at the richest kid in the world! Rich in love, vaccinated against entitlement and just enough grit to rise up and be who he was born to be – his beautiful, unspoiled self.
@copyright By Teresa McIntosh-Hall
Teresa McIntosh-Hall is a writer, blogger, social worker and political activist who raised two children and confesses her biggest parenting mistake was giving her kids too much, yet they still turned out pretty decent😊
A good read. Hope a lot of entitled people read it.
Thank you for your support Carroll:)
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Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.